The struggle of showing vulnerability as a student-athlete: A conversation with therapist, Christine-Evette Ngeve

Christine-Evette Ngeve, MSW, LCSWA, LCASA, Owner of Peak Potential Journey and soon to be: Dr. Ngeve!

Written by Student Blog Contributor: Bea Woods

Bea is a student, leader, and multi-sport athlete at Page High School. Bea interns at Arboro Empowered and serves as an ongoing teacher assistant for Arboro's Workday and Summer Camps.

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As a student athlete, I find it hard to show weakness because weakness leaves you

vulnerable to rejection. Throughout my life, I have dealt with the struggles of showing

vulnerability, and it has affected my communication with coaches and my ability to give

myself a break. I recently had an opportunity to interview Christine Ngeve, the owner

of Peak Potential Journey and a PhD student for Sports Psychology. She helps student

athletes out with balancing both their sports and school life, and also helps student-athletes understand who they are outside of their sport through her workbook and one-on-one sessions with the student athletes. During the interview, she taught me many

important lessons about the importance of knowing when to give yourself rest and the

struggles of admitting when you are hurt.

For ten years of my life, I did gymnastics. I started when I was two, and when I was

six, I was enrolled in the TOPS program at my local gym. TOPS is a program where the

best gymnasts on the team go through harder training to reach higher and higher levels

of competition. There, in order for me to fit in, I had to deny both pain and fear. Gymnastics is a sport built on having to be the best version of yourself, on weeding out the weak, and receiving constant critique of failure. Constantly being around people who would never show fear or admit when they needed to stop made me adopt that samehabit quickly in order to fit in.

One of the earliest memories I have of gymnastics continued to teach me that it was

not okay to show vulnerability. When I was six years old at practice, I remember I

broke down into tears and headed straight to the lobby. An 8-year-old girl with poofy

hair followed me out. “You’ve got to man up,” she said in her high, squeaky, but very

bossy voice. When she was eight, she seemed very big and important, so that’s exactly

what I did. I stifled my tears, put on a brave face, and continued to project

invincibility for a very long time. Ten years later, showing vulnerability is something

that I am much better at, but I know that there are many student athletes that are still

afraid to show any signs of weakness.

One part of showing vulnerability is admitting when you are hurt. I had a stress fracture and was out of sports for four months, and when I had to tell my coaches I had gotten a stress fracture, I was very afraid. Christine understands how this feels after competing for her college in three different sports. She said, “It is very hard to tell your coaches about injury, but you have to think about the longevity of it. If you were to have kept going and you did not feel 100%, would that really help with your long-term goals?  No! Injuries are part of the game and are not something that you did on purpose. They are part of being an athlete. You need to advocate for yourself and know that there are other people on the team.” This advice is something that I wish I had been told sooner, and I think many athletes need to be told this advice. It might be scary and hard to tell your coaches that you are injured, but learning how to be vulnerable is crucial and will make speaking with them much easier.

Christine also gave some important advice about knowing when to stop versus when you

need to push through. Sometimes, struggling with vulnerability means denying

yourself rest. Knowing when you really need rest vs when you are just being lazy is a

difficult skill to master. “I like to call it 'reading your gas tank,” says Christine. “I put it in perspective that if you are at 'empty' with five miles left in you, and you try to study, you will not retain anything. It is best to give yourself that break and come back to it. However, if you are really at half a tank, give yourself a basis of what that means. Do you have 30 minutes left or 45? You need to understand where you are in order to know how much you can keep going.”

Christine also has advice about burnout. She says, “ Burnout is real. You need to know how your body feels physically and how you are doing mentally and emotionally. Know that sports will always be there. I stopped sports back in 2019, but now the door is opening back to sports as I am a coach. Stopping is just part of your fingerprint; it isn’t your whole general makeup. You need to listen to your body to know when it is time to take a break.”

The most important thing that I learned through my journey of vulnerability was that

even though it felt scary and intimidating to admit I needed help or needed to rest,

every time I asked, there were always people there who were willing to help me. My

friends, family, and coaches were always there for me throughout the good and the

bad. I know that many other student athletes also experience the struggles of being

vulnerable, so I wanted to share that even though it is hard to open up, you will

benefit so much by doing so.

“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable

is to show your strength.” -Criss Jami, author

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Interested in partnering with Christine for your student-athlete, yourself, or your team?

Email us at hello@arboroempowered.com, and we will get you connected with Christine for a consultation!

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Readers- In the comments, respond to a connection you have to this post or one of the prompts below:

• About a time you would have benefited more from allowing yourself to be vulnerable rather than 'toughing it out.'

• About a way you plan to practice vulnerability

• How you model vulnerability for your family

• What you remember about life as a student- athlete